Making Room, Part III: Honoring the Middle


Dear Courageous Leader,

Advent is the season of waiting, but not in the passive sense. It is the season of becoming.

This week, I’ve been reflecting on a framework that has shaped my life again and again, often without my permission: Order → Disorder → Reorder. Richard Rohr calls this the universal pattern of transformation. Its wisdom reverberates across every major spiritual tradition. It’s also the rhythm of adult development and the reality of leadership.

Here’s how he describes it:

  • Order gives us stability, identity, and a sense of direction.
  • Disorder disrupts that stability and invites us into deeper truth.
  • Reorder emerges when we allow the disruption to teach us what we could not have learned any other way.

If I’m honest, my instinct has often been to race back toward order.
To tidy up the edges.
To rebuild certainty.
To get busy, efficient, and competent again.

But disorder doesn’t take kindly to being rushed.
It asks for patience.
It asks for surrender.
It asks us to let go of what kept us safe so that what is truer can take shape.

When I stepped out of public education after nearly three decades, I thought the hardest part would be the logistics – reinventing a career, building a business, learning a new rhythm. But the real challenge was internal. The ground under my feet felt soft, unfamiliar. The identity that had held me for so long slipped away, and I found myself in a long stretch of disorientation.

I now understand that season not as failure, but as initiation.

Disorder is sacred ground when we stop fighting it.

In that space, my faith rekindled in quiet and surprising ways. My leadership shifted from striving to presence. I discovered new companions on the journey. I learned to listen, really listen, to my emotions, my body, my values, and the quiet truth unfolding beneath the noise.

And slowly, reorder began to take shape.
Whole Leader Lab.
A deeper sense of purpose.
A life rebuilt not from old expectations, but from clarity and courage.

But even now, I return to this pattern often. It is not a one-time cycle. It’s a lifelong rhythm.

This season of reorder has also been reshaping my sense of calling, widening the circle of leaders I feel drawn to support and deepening my connection to the communities I care most about.

Disorder is where we meet ourselves honestly.
Reorder is where we grow into who we were becoming all along.

Clear eyes. Full hearts.
Paula


Some Favorite Sources of Wisdom

Here are two companions I return to again and again. They have been steady guides for me during seasons of unraveling and reordering.

📘 Falling Upward — Richard Rohr

A profound exploration of the two halves of life and the transformation that can only come through necessary suffering, liminality, and letting go. I revisit its wisdom often. I have two versions. The original and the newest edition with a forward by Brené Brown. I highly recommend listening to it on Audible. Fr Rohr and Brené narrate.

📘 The Journey Toward Wholeness — Suzanne Stabile

A grounded, compassionate guide to how each Enneagram type navigates transformation. Stabile writes with remarkable clarity about the “work that is ours to do” across the arc of order, disorder, and reorder. I also recommend the study guide. And the Audible version is very engaging with Suzanne as a narrator.

A PRACTICE FOR THE WEEK

Walking the Arc: Seeing Where You Are

Set aside ten minutes this week with a journal, or even just a quiet moment in the car. Reflect on each stage of Rohr’s pattern and notice where you find yourself.

1. Order — What once felt certain?
Name the identities, roles, structures, or stories that have grounded you.

2. Disorder — What feels disrupted or uncertain right now?
Instead of pushing it away, simply acknowledge it. Disorder is rarely comfortable, but it is always honest.

3. Reorder — What new truth is trying to emerge?
Listen for subtle shifts. What values are becoming clearer? What longing is surfacing? What old pattern is ready to be released?

Then ask the question Suzanne Stabile returns to again and again: “What is mine to do?”
Not what is expected. Not what is easiest.
What is mine to do in this moment of becoming?

This simple practice helps you orient yourself in the landscape of your own life.

It teaches you to stay awake in the middle, where meaning is forged.


Aligned by Design — A Companion for Your Transformation Pattern

Each of us has a recognizable way of navigating order, resisting disorder, and missing the moment when reorder is quietly trying to take shape.

Some of us push harder to stay strong.
Some of us keep the peace to avoid disruption.
Some of us tighten into perfection.
Some of us overgive to feel valued.
Some of us perform our way through uncertainty.
Some of us amplify emotion in search of meaning.
Some of us withdraw to stay protected.
Some of us overprepare to feel secure.
Some of us escape into possibility to outrun pain.

These patterns once kept us safe. But they can also keep us stuck.

Aligned by Design is a guided, three-session experience to help you:

  • understand your type’s transformation pattern
  • navigate pressure and complexity with more clarity
  • disrupt the habits that keep you safe but stuck
  • build a leadership path aligned to your values, not your fears
  • step into reorder with intention, not urgency

This is a powerful companion for leaders in transition, reinvention, or quiet unraveling who want to step into reorder with courage and alignment.

Secure your spot before December 31 to receive the 2025 rate of $997. Enroll before December 24 and receive a special holiday rate of $797.

The standard rate increases to $1,497 in 2026 as I expand the tools and integration practices and include 2 additional coaching sessions (5 total).

If this feels like a doorway, I’d be honored to walk with you.


“You cannot do the work that is yours to do until you stop doing the work that is not."

 

Suzanne Stabile

Learn more about my work and how we can collaborate.

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