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Whole Leader Dispatch

Confidence Is Overrated. Connection Is What Counts.

Published 2 days ago • 4 min read

Dear Courageous Leader,

I’ll be the first to say: confidence matters. People don’t respond to a leader who wavers, second-guesses, or can’t own their voice. We need confidence to stand steady, to take risks, and to chart a way forward when the path is uncertain.

But here’s the truth: confidence by itself is never enough. Confidence without connection can feel like arrogance. It can project certainty but leave others disengaged or defensive.

What people long for in their leaders is not just strength. It’s safety. They want to know their perspective matters, that they are respected, and that they can trust the person across the table. When confidence is paired with connection, something shifts. Leaders create not just compliance, but commitment. Not just performance, but possibility.

That’s why in this edition of the Dispatch, I’m challenging us to reframe executive presence. It isn’t about being the most polished or persuasive voice in the room. It’s about how your presence changes the climate of the room — toward fairness, trust, and belonging. Confidence opens the door. Connection sustains it.

Clear eyes. Full hearts.

Paula

Big Favor - If you enjoy this edition, please share with a few colleagues and ask them to subscribe. Thanks in advance!

Field Report: Leadership Insights

​Confidence Is Overrated. Connection Is What Counts.​

In a world that prizes polish, we often mistake confidence for leadership. Yet the leaders who truly inspire trust are not those performing certainty — they’re the ones who practice presence.

In my recent article, I unpack why presence is less about commanding attention and more about creating connection. Drawing on neuroscience and years of coaching leaders, I show how our presence literally shifts the chemistry of the room — either sparking defensiveness or opening up collaboration.

I also share a practical framework I use with clients: the CARE Model for Executive Presence. CARE provides a simple roadmap for high-stakes conversations:

  • Clarity – Lead with facts, connect to impact, and invite perspective.
  • Autonomy – Engage others as partners in problem-solving.
  • Relationship – Preserve trust even as you hold high standards.
  • Execute – Remove barriers, set expectations, and follow through.

Presence isn’t about being the loudest voice. It’s about how you show up in ways that make others feel safe, respected, and engaged. That’s what fuels momentum and impact.

​Read the full article on LinkedIn for deeper insights, practical examples, and reflection questions.

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Dispatch Toolkit

Practical tools and curated resources to strengthen your leadership presence
​

Why these resources? Both Rock and Ibarra reinforce the Dispatch theme: confidence matters, but connection is what unlocks impact. SCARF helps you understand the brain-based triggers behind safety and trust. Ibarra reminds us that leadership presence grows not from waiting until we “feel ready,” but from practicing new behaviors that build authentic connection and credibility.

Video

  • The SCARF Model: A Brain-Based Framework for Collaboration and Influence by David Rock — explains how status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness shape threat/reward responses in teams. Watch here.

Podcasts

  • Herminia Ibarra on the Bregman Leadership Podcast discussing Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader — a practical guide to stepping into leadership through action, not just reflection. Listen here.

​

The CARE Model Playbook:

A Leadership Tool for Tough Conversations

Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of leadership, yet many leaders avoid them due to fear of conflict or uncertainty about how to navigate them effectively.

This tool helps leaders define the core issue clearly, invite collaboration, strengthen trust, and ensure fairness in decision-making. With practical prompts and key phrases, the CARE Model Playbook empowers leaders to turn challenging conversations into opportunities for alignment, growth, and stronger relationships.

​

Connect & Engage

One of my clients recently shared how a single conversation changed the way her team experienced her leadership. She had been approaching a direct report with rehearsed confidence — polished words, tight arguments — but the dynamic was flat. When she shifted to CARE, focusing on clarity and relationship first, something clicked. Instead of defensiveness, she saw engagement. Instead of withdrawal, she saw ownership.

This is the power of presence paired with connection. It doesn’t erase accountability. It strengthens it. The difference is that people feel safe enough to lean in rather than pull back.

I’d love to hear from you:

Which element of CARE — Clarity, Autonomy, Relationship, or Execute — do you most want to strengthen in your next high-stakes conversation?

Reply to this Dispatch or share your reflections on LinkedIn.

You don’t need a louder voice. You need a clearer one.

You don’t need more theory. You need connection and clarity in the moments that matter.

If you’re navigating pressure and quietly carrying more responsibility than anyone realizes, let’s talk about how coaching can help you thrive with clarity and confidence.

"Leadership is hard to define, and good leadership even harder. But if you can get people to follow you to the ends of the earth, you are a great leader."

 

Indra Nooyi · visionary, strategist, connector

Whole Leader Dispatch

by Paula Shannon

The Whole Leader Dispatch is ideal for leaders seeking to develop their emotional intelligence and leadership skills. Subscribers gain actionable insights, tools, and resources to lead with resilience, foster connection, and drive impact.

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